Trained to Show No Emotions

How I almost wept while just another day of work in the hospital. Patient to nurse expertise sometimes reminds you that you're a human and not to always "be professional". Sometimes its a good thing to show a side of weakness, to relate to families and patients and prove that you feel for them and that you care. There is so many people at work that just bring their personal burdens to work and forget to do the job with compassion. The higher the level of education or rank at work, the worse it tends to get.

This short story was a reminder to me of how not to be like that. Although we are trained to not affiliate our emotions, sometimes people work like robots and I did not want to head to that direction. Especially since I'm continuing to further my educaiton to be able to do more for patients and families. I noticed that the older I get, the more I care about people. I know that there is a purpose for me on noticing these things early before I get more degrees. Somtimes, that is what gets to people's heads and I know that God would not want that from me.

[Aug. 21, 2019]

I was going about my day rounding on all my patients making sure they were okay and checked if they needed help with anything. I checked with one of my patiens that I didn’t want to bother because I wanted to give the family the most of their private time. The patient; whom was their mother was on comfort care. That means “hospice”, which is a term for when patients are declining and are put on an end of life prognosis. It wasn’t my first rodeo dealing with a patient in such terms, but I couln’t get over the fact that she was only 67. Usually the patients I've taken care of on hospice are in their 90s. On top of that, she looked about 10 years younger being in a hospital gown with no makeup on.

I checked in and talked to her son and asked him if he wanted us to reposition his mother. He said no, only because she finally looked comfortable without fidgeting everywhere because of pain. I didn’t look too much into her medical history but I know she was there because she had a severe brain bleed. She had stitches across the back of her head to the top to the other side of her left ear. She was not concious, alert, nor oriented.

I told him to let me know if he changed his mind and asked him if he needed anything. He said he was okay and added a side comment and told me his dad went home to shower and to get some rest. That him and his dad were taking turns in staying with her overnight. I said, “yes its important to get rest yourself because you need to take care of yourself too.” He agreed, and repled, “yes, especially with whats coming after this, it’s only going to get harder.” He said he had to be strong and even stronger for his dad. Those words hit my soul.

My tone of voice changed and felt like the waterworks were going to start gushing out infront of him. I said “I’m sorry, I can't imagine how hard it is. But just let me know if you need anything, okay?” Then rushed to the door before I wasn’t able to contain myself. Geez! I wanted to hug him, and cry with him. He probably felt releived sharing that little bit with someone. I know the feeling of not wanting to worry your family so you hold it in because you know they’re handling it worse than you are. That moment made me feel the most humanly possible. My work zone mentality changed. I would very much hate to have that empty hole in my stomach, it’s the worst in the world.

For the remainder of my shift, in the weirdest way I felt the reward of my job. My calling is to care for people no matter where I am. But since work is work, I and I’m sure most, forget what the true natures of this field is. From a nurse’s aid like me to a person that cleans, to the CEO of the hospital to any doctor and surgeon, our job is to care for people. Though some people say or think they don’t like people, that they do the job that pays the bills. When it comes down to situations like these, I am proud to say that it’s in our nature for our hearts to go out for people. To feel their pain and think to ourselves that could be us.

Psalm 34:18

"18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

(#healthcare #grief #sympathy #people #medicalthings)